This Valentine’s Day, Sexy Means Equity

How teamwork empowers partnership.

This Valentine’s Day, my husband gave me a card that made me HOT! It was about equality in our marriage, and I’ve never been more turned on.

Growing up, I didn’t see this kind of partnership modeled. My mom did everything while dad checked out. We blamed her for all our difficulties and excused his behavior with a “boys will be boys” mentality.

But today, I’m proud to say I’ve built something different. My husband and I split the mental load, the emotional load, and the laundry load. He’s a better cook. I’m a better cleaner. We have shifts for parenting that give us both time to pursue our personal and professional goals. And we tag team like professional wrestlers in the ring when the kiddo’s tantrums become too much for one parent to handle. It’s not perfect, but it’s partnership. And the best part, it’s what my daughter sees as normal.

For me, this journey has been about unlearning. My mom’s generation wasn’t raised to expect equity; they were raised to “do it all and don’t complain.” So, this Valentine’s Day, I’m celebrating what’s truly sexy: teamwork.

But what if your marriage doesn’t feel equitable? Here’s the thing: equity doesn’t mean everything is equal all the time. Of course, one parent may have to work more than the other. Or one may have to work A LOT leaving the other to do virtually everything else. But are there efforts made to make sure everyone has built in breaks, adult time, and time to explore creative passions or hobbies? Does the work both partners do, whether bringing in an income or not, feel equally appreciated and valued?

None of this will just magically happen. It takes awareness, effort, and conversations that can feel uncomfortable. Enter the “Shit I Do” list, inspired by Eve Rodsky’s brilliant book Fair Play. She suggests that moms in this position write it all down—every appointment scheduled, every lunch packed, every mental note about when the paper towels are running low. It can be illuminating and yes, sometimes rage-inducing. But it will help you become aware of why you feel so overwhelmed. If you’re doing invisible labor, make it visible and you will be half-way to finding a solution.

Then, can you brainstorm ways to unload yourself? What tasks can you hand off to others in the family? Are your kids old enough to help? Are there some duties that can be evenly split with your spouse? Can you simply stop doing something because it’s not essential? Can you start a conversation with your partner about taking on more? Fair Play has a great card game to do just that.

Often with dads, the imbalance is not malice—it’s lack of awareness. They were raised by moms from the generation of “do it all and don’t complain”. They were never meant to see the work that goes into running a household. They’re a product of this imbalance, just like us. And I know you may not want to point it out, but you may have to, or it will never be noticed.

If all this feels daunting, come to one of our events first. Among Other Things is a space where you’ll be heard, seen, and fully validated without having to involve your partner. Vent until the weight feels a little lighter. Laugh with women who get it. Swap strategies with moms who’ve found creative ways to reclaim their time and sanity.

In fact, let’s take a moment to celebrate the power of “Galentines”. Women supporting women is one of the strongest forces in the universe. Maybe that’s why Gen Z is rewriting the script entirely. Many are refusing to settle for one-sided relationships. They’re choosing not to date, not to have kids, and not to accept a life filled with invisible labor. They’re demanding better because they know they’re worth it. Let’s learn from them and stand strong in solidarity.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships—it’s about the culture we’re shaping as moms. We’re letting go of “doing it all”, we’re building partnerships, communities, and connections that lift us up instead of grind us down. And at AOT, we’re here for it and for YOU!

Let’s all raise a glass to equity, teamwork, and all the women out there unlearning what we’ve been taught about how much we have to do to be “worthy.” The truth? We’re already worthy. Now let’s make sure we are supported. Because nothing’s sexier than a partnership where love feels like teamwork, not martyrdom.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(Now go hand your partner a sponge and tell them it’s foreplay.)

If this speaks to you, here are a few resources to get started:

• Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play is also a documentary on HULU (maybe you watch with your partner).

• Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski (a must-read for reclaiming your mental health).

Join our Among Other Things community for events, conversations, and solidarity. Learn more about our writer, here.