"Provide & Protect" vs. "Equality & Respect"
Fathers stop perpetuating patriarchal bias
I recently had a conversation with a father about the qualities he most wants to instill in his son. He said, “The number one thing I teach him is what my dad taught me: you must provide for and protect women.” I’ve always known this man to be compassionate, honest, and loyal. He is a quality human, and my reflection on what he said is no reflection on his character. No doubt, his intention is to do his best as a man serving both his son and women. After all, men who provide for and protect women are certainly serving them, right? Hmmm. Maybe not.
Why do men need to provide for women? Oh right, that old social construct that says men are supposed to make money while women maintain the home. A construct that has left women out of the workplace, devalued as contributors of creativity or invention, and completely reliant on men. And since our culture values money over maintaining a home, women are forced to hold up the global economy with their invisible labor as explained in “The Role of Mom”.
If women and their contributions were given equal value, opportunity, and pay, men would not need to provide for them. In fact, everyone would benefit. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, If women in the U.S. were paid the same as comparable to men, the U.S. economy could see an increase of $482 billion, or 2.8% of the GDP. Equal pay would reduce poverty rates among working women by half, which would enhance economic security and reduce the need for social welfare programs. Women would also have more disposable income, leading to higher consumer spending, which drives economic growth. And if we stopped relying on women to be the primary caregivers for free by investing in universal childcare, we could potentially increase GDP by $210 billion annually according to the Center for American Progress. If men stopped “providing for” women and started ending the gender pay gap, they would gain more choice over their own work/life balance and probably make more money with less effort. Everyone wins.
Okay, now, let’s breakdown this whole “protect” thing. What do men need to protect women from? Oh, yeah. Other men. After all, women are small, weak, delicate creatures. Not! We give birth, for god’s sake. Also, we come in all shapes and sizes. In my twenties, I was cast in a global performance art tour with ten 6’ tall female dancers. I never felt safer. People were extremely intimidated by the size of our posse. Yet, when we performed at large music festivals, we had to be escorted into the space by male security (some of them smaller than these women). Why? Because when women walk through a large crowd, men cop a feel. And though we could probably take them, it causes a scene and disrupts the peace. When men see women flanked by other men, they keep their grubby hands to themselves.
So, do we really need to teach boys to “protect” women or just to respect them as human beings and not objects of their desire? Perhaps if we had social and economic equality, this type of respect would become organic. After all, if you are used to seeing women devalued in virtually every arena, it’s easy to get the message that they are lesser than you and therefore their bodies are fair game.
And anyway when you google the “number one killer of women”, it isn’t men. It’s heart disease. Why? Because the medical industry doesn’t research women’s bodies. Due to the incredibly unjust “Male Norm”, the history of medicine, scientific research, and financing all say the same thing: female bodies don’t matter. Maybe this is why it’s so easy to replace our autonomy with religious beliefs and political gain.
Men, if you really want to protect us, vote for political leaders who fight for women’s rights, help us navigate a healthcare and economic system that doesn’t value us, and don’t teach your sons to “provide and protect”, teach them to give women “equality and respect”.
To learn more about teaching kids gender equality, click here. And, join us for our next AMONG OTHER THINGS hang out on September 18th. RSVP here. To find out more about our writer, Tiffany Hodges, click here.