Holiday Card Chaos

Shining Through Imperfection

I love Holiday cards. I love getting them. I love sending them. There’s something magical about connecting with people you care about in that small, tangible way. However, creating them and getting them out in time always stresses me out.

This year, I vowed to tackle it early. No last-minute scramble, no drama—just a smooth, joyful process. I roped in the family to create an assembly line. My husband stuffed the envelopes, I stuck on the labels, and our 6-year-old daughter stamped our return address on the upper right-hand corner, just like I showed her. She was so proud of herself, and so was I.

Until…all 100 were done, and I remembered —the return address goes on the left side! Crap! The right side is for the postage stamp! I had shown her how to do it wrong! I wanted to yell profanities so badly it hurt. But instead, I did what any self-respecting mom would do: I bit my lip and started a full-on internal self-lashing. Then, the old familiar imposter syndrome kicked in: I’m not a mom who has it all together. I’m a moron. I knew it!

My very perceptive daughter noticed something was off and asked, “Mom, what’s wrong?” I told her I was mad—not at her, but at myself. She looked at me with those big brown eyes and asked, “Why are you mad at yourself?”

“Because I made a mistake,” I said, ready to double down on my self-loathing. Then it hit me. I was teaching my daughter that when you make a mistake, you should be mad at yourself. No wonder she throws the crayon when she colors outside the lines. She learned that from me! I took a deep breath and said, “You know what? I’m overreacting. It’s not a big deal, and I’m going to let it go.”

Since I couldn’t make the envelopes perfect, I decided to handle this moment perfectly. I did everything I could to suppress my emotions and ignore the internal loop whispering: I’m such a bad mom.

Turns out I have a terrible poker face. They knew I was still pissed. My husband piped in with, “It’ll be fine. No one will care.” Oh sure! It’ll be fine for him! No one will think he’s a bad dad for creating a sloppy envelope! This isn’t a “dad” task; it’s a “mom” task, and if I don’t do it perfectly, I’ll be judged!

Then I thought…who the hell is this talking inside my head? Why do I care about this so much? Where is this perfectionism coming from?

In Amanda Montell’s The Age of Magical Overthinking, I read about the collective beliefs that shape our lives—beliefs we inherit, sometimes without even realizing it. One of those beliefs is the idea that because women are viewed as ‘lesser than’ men, they must be perfect to prove their worth and achieve success. I’m sure I learned it subconsciously from my mother, who was a wreck at home, but always presented herself perfectly in public. And here I am, teaching it to my daughter. Ugh. The patriarchy strikes again.

Then I thought of Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow’s Shine Theory. It’s a rejection of the competition and scarcity mindset that pits women against each other and a celebration of collaboration and mutual support. The idea is simple: “Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn't make you look worse…it makes you better.” We shine brighter when we combine our strengths. This is exactly what Weak Ties/Strong Bonds is doing for female entrepreneurs, and it’s exactly what Among Other Things is doing for moms.

But what if Shine Theory doesn’t start with how we treat others—could it start with how we treat ourselves? The way we talk to ourselves sets the tone for everything else. When we let go of perfectionism, we create space for authenticity and internal empowerment.

So, Mamas, this holiday season, let’s embrace Shine Theory— to lift each other, and ourselves, up so that we all shine. Let’s toss out the impossible standards and break free from the perfectionism we’ve inherited. When we let go of judgment—we create space to be human, and teach our kids that mistakes are not failures, they’re opportunities to learn. It’s not about perfect envelopes—it’s about the message inside.

Wishing you all a joyful and uplifting holiday season and a healthy and prosperous new year! We will see you in January at our next monthly event. For more about our writer, click here.